How to break a brick wall

That strong stout wall
three wythes thick-
How did it fall?
All red brick?

'Twas strong enough
for the big bad wolf
he huffed and puffed
and left aloof.

The wall withstood
bullets and guns,
gangstas, cowboys
and red injuns.

The wall survived
that hurricane
still alive
just the same.

But soon enough
those brick fall
not so tough
after all...

A sudden burst
of fresh air
Kool Aid thirst?
What?  "Oh Yeah!!!"

 

The humblest science

Different fields of human knowledge
bring status by mere association.
They're esteemed in press and college
Source of insight and innovation.

There's Genetics, Computers and Geology
Particle Physics and Astronomy
Cultural, Physical Anthropolgy
And both Macro- and Micro- Economy.

But which of these is the lowliest field?
What's the humblest one to study?
A cursory survey has revealed
one less admired by everybody.

It's been around thousands of years
there cannot be anything new.
Its own academics guarded fears:
Additional insight is nil or few.

With stones and rocks and blocks and mortar
as elements of this ancient science
doesn't impress the science reporter
They ignore this field with defiance.

It makes it all the more unique
when innovation does occur
in Masonry Science, utterly meek
one is left to conclude or infer:

There's no prestige and little praise
nothing new after all the ages
from a science of olden days
yet Masonry Science writes new pages.

 

Concrete trade shows

This poem was embarrasingly bad, for some reason it is being viewed a lot, so I've taken it down. 

My apologies.

 

Oh no it's faux

Some folks use thin layer of stone

On or in their treasured home

I try hard to hide my sneer

When I see that stone veneer.

 

One quick look and I know

It’s not stone, it’s really faux

Fiberboard is all the rage

You want rock? Get Jimmy Page.

 

‘Cuz nothing makes a mason ache

Like cheesy rock that’s all fake

Every mason quickly knows

You bought that crap at the Lowe’s.

 

“But cultured stone” they quickly say

Means I’m cultured any way!

Sorry if your feelings are hurt,

There’s more culture in yogurt.

 

Pavers

Brick can be made from concrete

They can be sidewalk savers

You’ll see them often on the street

They are now known as “pavers.”

 

Pavers are made on a block machine

Made many at a time

The edges each can all be seen

To interlock just fine.

 

They are made in different shapes

And different colors too

You are sure to find a paver

That’s just right for you.

 

Temper the mortar

That mortar was mixed a while ago

It’s not quite fresh, as mortars go

It’s getting stiff, it starts to set

But it’s not garbage, not quite yet.

 

Time to temper that old mud

Add some water, quickly bud

Just a little, not too much

Chop with a trowel, a hoe and such.

 

It gets more fluid, fresher too

After it’s been mixed by you

Use it up while you can

Before you have to mix again.

 

Peter Roberts was a mason

Peter Roberts is a mason

Peter Roberts was a mason

The first of these lives and works

On triangular blocks which seem possible

The second was first, yet he has passed

His memorial stands ornamented

By an impossible triangle

Like Escher invented.

Peter Roberts is and was a mason of triangles

It’s all so strange.

http://www.guildofbricklayers.org.uk/news-info-details/ceremony-in-memory-of-peter-roberts-mbe.html

Intuition

Much of an arch we can intuit

And think we know it all

It’s all the massive weight down through it

Much of an arch -we can- intuit!

A simpleton said he thought he knew it

Unless an arch begins to fall

Much of an arch we can intuit:

It’s not so simple after all.

 

Staggered joints

When brick are laid to make a wall

They are stacked in arrangement

Repeated to the very top

Unless the mason has derangement

Each brick’s half overhanging

The brick (or block) below it

The brick (or block) will be staggered

We intuitively know it

If the bricks don’t get staggered

It’s called a 'stack' type bond

The wall can crack along the joint

Of which I’m not too fond

To allow a running joint

To go through the wall

Invites all brick to freely move

they might even fall

It is best to stagger brick

Offset each next course

Interrupt the running joint

To stop the splitting force.

Fate of cinder block, part deux.

A  2-wheel drive pickup truck

No weight at all in that bed

With spinning wheels it gets stuck

A situation truckers dread.

 

How to avoid this sorry fact?

How to get some extra traction?

Throw concrete block in the back

You will drive with satisfaction.

 

Fate of cinder block

In college you read Marx and Hegel
discussed Derrida and Kant.
Ramen noodles and a bagel-
Paying student loans, you can't

afford the latest designs:
Ikea bookshelves, which you mock.
Debate the absurd and sublime
With bookshelves of cinder block.

 

Distressed brick

When a brick building gets demolished
and all those brick are clean and polished
Not quite "polished" they're a mess
showing signs of their distress.

Old paint and some mortar too
Marks them up: not quite new
But they're made ready to ship
Distressed brick is really hip.

A brand new job looks broken in
With old brick you soon begin
To build anew from something old
"New" old brick are quickly sold.

Sex Pistols, masons

Now I got a reason, now I got a transom
Now I got a reason and I'm still waiting
Now I got a transom
Now I got reason to be waiting
The Berlin Wall

I gotta go through the Wall
I don't understand this thing at all
It's third rate
Cheap dialogue, cheap essential masonry
I gotta go through the wall
I wanna go through the Berlin Wall
Before me come through the Berlin Wall
I don't understand this bit at all...
I'm gonna go through the wall
I'm gonna go through the Berlin Wall
I'm gonna go through the Berlin Wall
Before me come through the Berlin Wall
I don't understand this thing at all
Please don't be waiting for me

 

 

 

Efflorescence

Efflorescence is that white chalky stuff

That appears on a masonry wall

Only a surface problem, enough

To make one’s poor skin crawl.

 

It is caused by water evaporation

Leaving salts of sulfate

It happens all across the nation

And is just too common a fate.

 

To stop this from happening is not always easy

The culprit’s alkali sulfate

It makes masonry look kinda cheesy,

The water should not percolate:

 

Through a brick wall, or mortar or stone,

Because water leaves this white scum

And can leave a mark on your home

Aesthetically unbearable to some.

 

So how do I stop it and why?

What do I do and what is the essence?

Just keep your masonry dry-

And you'll have no efflorescence.

 

Designing a block mold

Designing a mold is a tricky endeavor

Sometimes it seems to take forever

Does the interlock create undercuts?

Or have I gone completely nuts?

 

Will the shape even be filled?

Can the steel even be milled?

Will the concrete slump when the mold is stripped?

Can these blocks be stacked and shipped?

 

Is the shape just too heavy?

Can it be used to build a levee?

Does it include a good handhold?

Or should I re-do the entire mold?

 

How big’s the the core, how thick the wall?

Will it slump or will it fall?

Will the designer ever choose it?

Will a mason ever use it?

 

Can any of these questions end?

Can it be real or just pretend?

At last the design is actually done

And when it works, it’s really fun.

 

Many-centered arches

If you draw a circle from a center found

Inside an arch and just go round

You can make your bricks all march

In step with a Roman arch

If you select more than one

Center you can have some fun

With different sized radii.

Plays a trick upon the eye

 

An arch with some different centers

Will create like an inventor’s

Idea of a rounded form

And step outside the circular norm.

 

The effect of vertical mullions

is an architect's ebullience

for fancy windowed mansions

with horizontal transoms.

 

If you are a really big fan

of giant windows with widest span

be careful and listen as I beseech

you not to weaken and overreach

 

As you design your giant window

there's a limit how far to go

If your engineer's skill does lapse

Your giant window will collapse.

 

 

 

 

Improved model

Engineers make models to represent

The things they build which are meant

To help them more fully comprehend

How things will strain, stress, break or bend.

In the engineer’s model of tradition

A masonry arch is viewed in partition

A cross-sectional view works just fine

To show stress as a curved thrust line.

A catenary line like a hanging chain

Turned upside down in your brain

Represents the lines of thrust

In the arch’s thickness it must-

Be constrained within that wall

Or a hinge will form and it will fall

This is the old traditional way:

To show an arch with this display.

But now there is a newer block

Whose edges each interlock

Hinges will no longer suffice

To show how well and truly nice

And stronger too these arches are

Conjugate shearing is the star

Of this newer model which is much better

Made of improved block that lock together

They do not hinge or buckle wide

Against each other they simply slide

And if you get this simple point

It is a better masonry joint.

 

Dumb as a rock

Blockheads are dumb

So they say

“Smart as a box

Of rocks”

Or thick

as a brick

But to be really really really

Really dumb

Watch ESPN

All day.

 

Union Masons

Some out there do not fully support

Organized labor, or “unions” for short

But I believe in paying the working man

A living wage so that they can

Make a living and prosper alright

So that they flourish, and build it right

To have it made right you should employ

A union mason and spread the joy:

There’s enough to go around

Spread the wealth and build it sound.

Tanka

Masonry homes are now built

Every place you could think

Desert, forest, mountains:

In jungles, valleys and soon

They will be found on the moon.

 

Roger Waters, mason

Is there masonry in the figurative sense?

Or is brick & mortar necessarily dense?

Can masonry be a social cause?

And point us to humanity’s flaws?

I suppose that masonry can

Represent the troubles of man

Justice the lady and those that brought her

To the ideals of Roger Waters

Not another trick by them all,

Not another brick in The Wall.

 

A Brick Noir Mystery

The fog rolled in like a concrete truck

With old ideas, just my luck.

The sultry blonde wasn’t a fraud

She was clearly just a broad.

Abroad there seemed more innovation

But precious little in this nation.

So I asked her as she hit on me

“Why’s innovation dead in masonry?”

She paused and told me “tuck point and blow

Your naiveté out and show

The way our industry works with bricks

We don’t like new-fangled tricks.”

There’s tort law, and there’s building code

Academics, researchers, designers showed.

“Leave twenty bucks on the boudoir

And I’ll help you solve this mystery noir”.

Masonry Innovation was clearly dead

And it was stuck in my head

To figure out why history stopped

And this clichéd mystery quickly flopped

Against inertia of status quo

It was on me to cleverly show

How innovation wasn’t dead:

There’s a better way to build instead.

Make a roof, a dome with block

Triangles that interlock.

A better mousetrap must be shown

To be better than what is known.

A better brick will solve this case

Better buildings will save some face

Of innovation in a conservative

Industry with much to give.

New ideas on solid footing

The proof of it is in the putting

One better brick atop the other

Mystery solved, believe it brother.

 

Ottava Rima

I must begin with a short apology

For having to explain

The meaning of mason’s topology:

Bricks make a curving plane.

Inspired by nature, this ontology

Allows structures to remain

A comprehensive mystery

Rooted deep in history.

Premises to a Simple Question

Concrete block is a success of the last century.

Concrete block is found wherever it’s meant to be.

Concrete block is in all continents 'round the earth.

Concrete block is tough and has proven its worth.

Concrete block is only used now to build vertical walls.

Concrete block can also make big domes and balls.

Concrete block is in a new renaissance.

Concrete block meets many needs and wants.

Concrete block can be uplifting and inspiring.

Concrete block can be elegant and uprising.

Concrete block takes fires, hurricanes and tornadoes too…

Now doesn’t concrete block sound better to you?

A Mason's Valediction to Winter

‘Tis time to say our farewell

To icy cold and wintry hell

To all the piles of drifting snow

And all the frozen mud below

 

Goodbye to frosted trowels

So long to ice-filled barrows

Adieu to mason's tools which

Go with Ivan Denisovich.

 

Greetings to this warm weather

Which soon we hope is here -or whether-

We must endure another season

Of cold for no apparent reason.

 

For sometimes it is a mason’s fate

That Spring shows up a little late

Can I work?  Yes or no?

Not if we get another snow.

 

We offer Spring this benediction

While winter gets a valediction

For only block made from snow

Make igloos for an Eskimo.

Pentagonal Cinquain

Five times

a block is laid

to bend this curving dome

the wonder here begets a full

way round.

 

 

http://www.napowrimo.net/2013/04/cinquains-for-day-five/

A Fine Disregard for Awkward Facts

The concrete block industry

Isn’t all that it could be

Every single product made

And every single block laid

Have right angles: top and side

Rectangular: so long, so wide

The facts of the matter are just this,

So what about it did you miss?

All your fancy, and new fangled

Ideas  propose block triangled?

Your disregard for status quo

Now you’re bound to let us know

These awkward facts are very hard

To ignore or disregard!

There is room for much improvement

Time to show us just what you meant.

(This poem owes its many thanks

To a spaceship named by Iain Banks).

 

A mason's shanty

What shall we do with a drunken mason,

What shall we do with a drunken mason,

What shall we do with a drunken mason,

Early in the morning?

Chuck him in the lighthouse till he's sober.

Put him in the lighthouse and make him build her.

What shall we do with a drunken tender?

Lock him in the brickyard 'til he gets sober.

Put him in the wheelbarrow with mortar on him.

Put him in the wheelbarrow with mortar on him

Put him in the wheelbarrow with mortar on him

Chop him with a trowel and wet him all over

Tie him to the scaffold when she's 6 block under

Heave him by the leg in a bright mason line.

Scrape the hair off his chest with a mortar trowel.

Give 'im a dose of lime and mortar.

Stick on his back a parge coat plaster

Keep him there and make 'im parge 'er.

Give 'im a taste of the mason's rope-end.

What'll we do with a Limey sailor?

Soak him in mud til he lays ‘em quicker.

What shall we do with the Queen o' mud now?

What shall we do with a Virgin Mary?

Add vodka!

Laying the lie

While laying bricks

I told a lie

To the man

Who asked me "why?

Have a dome overhead?"

To protect me from the sky!

“Shitting bricks” I smartly said

“When masons fly, many dead.”

 

Poetry month re-redux

April is poetry month.  Three years ago I was double-dog-dared to participate in NaPoWriMo: National Poetry Writing Month; wherein one writes a poem every day for the month of April.  I've done this for two years now, but each of my poems has been about masonry.  It's a challenge to write a poem about a specific topic every day, especially since I spend just a few minutes on each one (I'm busy, K?).   Three years in a row?  I'll try again.

An impossible challenge

Concrete block are used for walls

Never a roof, ‘cuz if it falls

-even once- upon your head

You will be forever dead.

A roof so made is really strong

It will last for centuries long

It’s also (really) less expensive

The uses are quite extensive!

Conventional wisdom is forsaken

And this task I’ve undertaken

I will force Progress to march

And concrete block will make an arch.